Monday, January 09, 2006

Waisting time isn't trully waisting.....

Today is a lovely day.
Even though I woke up and knew that I've waisted JUST ten years of my life. And it is still counting, cause I am still not where I should or could have been if I hadn't waisted any years.
It is funny to be a teenage one, and knowing that I've waisted ten years of my life already.
Not many teenages have done so....

But knowing that I've waisted so many years makes me laugh. Makes me feel great and knowing that every day, is just another day. Not a day which I waist, no, a day in which I can live my life.
Or at least, I try to do so.

Darker days, are drawing nearer and nearer I've been told. But somehow, it cannot be darker than the days I've had. And I just like and love the days for what they are.
I haven't learned much about the pleasant things of life the last 10 years, and it has been a hellish fight to get back to myself.
And it is even harder to keep on showing myself no matter what.

8 years I've waisted on being depressed, 1 year to become really depressed, and I am now fighting for 1 year to stop being depressed.
And that has been a hellish fight, but today, I can feel and find, that I am no longer depressed.
I've been 1 year without being depressed, so, I did winn the battle.

But trying to start to live again, won't be done in just one year. Learning how to love again, or even how to allow others to love me, won't be done in just one year.
Learning how to do more then just taking breathe, and blink with my eyes, is even worse then being depressed. I can tell ya.

But when I look into the mirror now, I can see a big change. One that has been a good one.
My eyes are shinning again, my laughter can be heard sometimes and my smiles can be seen even more.
And when I look at the person that I am today, I am glad that I've fought again a fight I've lost many times.
And I am glad for waisting the years I've waisted.

Cause, they have somehow made me as who I am today, so they aren't trully waisted....

And once more we can banish a word, waisted, cause it never is trully waisted. Theire is always somewhere a reason why it is needed to "waist" things.

So, shall we banish the word waisting? I will indeed....

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