Tuesday, January 31, 2006


Somehow, my mind keeps on going back to you. I cannot focus on other things then you.
Just you and you and you.
Cannot sleep anymore without you in my mind.
My friends tell me this is love, and they are teasing me with it.
But how can this be love?

But I cannot change the fact that I think of you all the time.
I need you around to make me happy.
But whether this is true love?

I think they are right about me. I think I've fallen for you, soon I will get you from where you are now, and take you in my arms.
Even though you're just a pair of shoes....
You're just a pair of shoes.......
Or are you not?

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Running through the streets of my mind

I am running, running as if I am being hunted by some-one or something. In fact I am being hunted. In fact the one hunting here is me now.
In the streets of my mind....

Don't recall all I want to recall, nor am I sure about how I feel. But I know that I am running through my mind. Finding things I don't want to find, still searching for what I want to find.
Strange as it is, I am not slowing down by sleep or anything, cause I keep on running.

I feel like being somewhere else, at a place I don't remember I've been, but still being able to find my way to all the places.

Emotions run through my body as I run into streets I want to stay unknown. Fear, love and hatred are just a few of them, so I keep running to find the street I seek.

What is it that I want to know, what is it which makes me run and feel like this?
Is there going to be a way out?
I guess finding what I am looking for will make it end...

So I'll keep on running....

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Ban on words

Maybe, very maybe, it would be an idea to ban words, and to use what we all can use. Our feeling...

Our feeling can help us sort things out, but as long as we don't use words to talk about them, we understand them more then by using words.
How come?

Simply because every one has been taught meanings of words. But every one gives another meaning to the meaning of the word.

For example, good and bad, ain't my thing anymore, cause it is all based on perception.
But for some-one else it means: good = going to heaven, bad = going to hell.
Do you get what I mean?

If we had been taught that killing was a good thing, we were killing eachother while doing good. But now we have been taught that killing is a bad thing. So we condemn every-one who has killed someone.
But we condemn them harder when they have killed someones body, instead of condemning the ones who kill eachothers theire lives. And make them commit suicide....

So maybe, we should ban words, so that we cannot teach others to use them. And maybe then, people will come to realise that good and bad is just perception. Nothing more and nothing less.
Maybe then, a heaven on earth could be realistic......

But for as long we use words, and cannot see that it is all based on perception, we will never be able to understand the ones around us, and we will keep on finding it hard and difficult to live with people with another way of thinking or living.

So, are you with me when I say banning words....?!?

Monday, January 09, 2006

Waisting time isn't trully waisting.....

Today is a lovely day.
Even though I woke up and knew that I've waisted JUST ten years of my life. And it is still counting, cause I am still not where I should or could have been if I hadn't waisted any years.
It is funny to be a teenage one, and knowing that I've waisted ten years of my life already.
Not many teenages have done so....

But knowing that I've waisted so many years makes me laugh. Makes me feel great and knowing that every day, is just another day. Not a day which I waist, no, a day in which I can live my life.
Or at least, I try to do so.

Darker days, are drawing nearer and nearer I've been told. But somehow, it cannot be darker than the days I've had. And I just like and love the days for what they are.
I haven't learned much about the pleasant things of life the last 10 years, and it has been a hellish fight to get back to myself.
And it is even harder to keep on showing myself no matter what.

8 years I've waisted on being depressed, 1 year to become really depressed, and I am now fighting for 1 year to stop being depressed.
And that has been a hellish fight, but today, I can feel and find, that I am no longer depressed.
I've been 1 year without being depressed, so, I did winn the battle.

But trying to start to live again, won't be done in just one year. Learning how to love again, or even how to allow others to love me, won't be done in just one year.
Learning how to do more then just taking breathe, and blink with my eyes, is even worse then being depressed. I can tell ya.

But when I look into the mirror now, I can see a big change. One that has been a good one.
My eyes are shinning again, my laughter can be heard sometimes and my smiles can be seen even more.
And when I look at the person that I am today, I am glad that I've fought again a fight I've lost many times.
And I am glad for waisting the years I've waisted.

Cause, they have somehow made me as who I am today, so they aren't trully waisted....

And once more we can banish a word, waisted, cause it never is trully waisted. Theire is always somewhere a reason why it is needed to "waist" things.

So, shall we banish the word waisting? I will indeed....

No need to run and hide

The sun has risen to the top of the world, and it makes me feel great.....

A friend of mine came along and told me about some-one she missed.
She didn't use words, nor did she use a voice to tell me.
She just sat there and looked into the flame of the candle.
She never used a word when it came to her. The one she missed.

She laughed, and did funny things. Made fun with me, and tried to tease me.
But her eyes where hollow. No sprankle was theire to be found.

Then she finally sits back, and relaxes. Waiting for me to start the questions.
But I don't ask, I simply say, that she will stay alive, even while her body is fighting death, and her soul is waiting for it.
Willing to feel the body die.

And my friend looks happy but also scared. She knows I am right about what I say, she has always known so, but still it scares her for me to know these things without hearing the words which tell me.

An other day, I sat with a friend of mine. One I don't know that long, but is my best friend almost since the day we've met.
We were talking about a lot of things that went on. Most things which came close to Spiritualism.
And we talked on and on.
About his girlfriend, I've never met in person, but I knew a lot about her, without him telling me.
He is used to this, but I am still not. To hear myself talking about things I know, and him telling me that I am right. To paint a picture of her in words, without having seen her, painting a picture of her weaknesses and her strengths, even without being with her. Without him telling me anything about her weaknesses or her strengths.

Days go by, hours go by, and the older I get, the more I know about people. The more I see, the more I feel.
I can tell a lot when it comes to the people who I don't know but see sometimes.
I can tell a lot about who they are and who they've been. Is this trully normal? Is it trully normal to know things about people who you don't know.

Some tell me it is normal, some are scared of me, because I can tell them all about the things they don't tell any-one.

Sometimes it is even that bad, that I can feel people around me, while no-one is there but me. And I just know that they are there, while I am sitting alone.

As you can see, I don't have to use any kind of drugs to be crazy.
No need to run and hide for me, cause I've always been like this.....
But never willing to show it or to use it to help others.....