Friday, December 30, 2005

Wonderland, it trully is a wonderland.
Snow is falling outside and it just looks wonderfull.

You can hear the wind making it's calls. It is just wonderfull, how a place can change when snow falls down.
It is really making you love live once more.
Cause how can you condemn a live with things like this?
When I look outside, I can see the pictures and paintings in front of me.
It is that pretty :-), that lovely.

(8) When there is hatred, I bring love, (8)
(8) When there is doubt, I bring faith, (8)
Hmmmm, it is just a wonderfull place to be now. Even though it can change within a few seconds. I know.
I've been there before, I've always been depressed around these times, but now, I am not this time.

Somehow it feels like I am born again. Like I've never lived before, but that I am doing that now.
Just seeing it, feeling it, makes me happy already. And yes, it might be for just a few moments, but, IT IS for those moments that I AM happy!!!

Can you see it? Can you feel it?
Can you understand how it is, to feel it again.
Can you understand how it is, to see the birds play in the sky.
To feel the wind playing with your hair, or even feeling like you're chilled to the bone.
Coming home and feel the warmth of a house at your skin.
To warm your hands at a cup of tea.

To feel your nose being frozen, and your cheeks being warmed up because your blood flows to there.

Yes, it are all reasons why most people want to stay home, and to lay in your bed.
Yes it are all reasons why people call me crazy to say that I find it something to fall in love with.

It is just amazing.

I hope you can one day borrow my eyes for some time, and that you can feel it too.

This is why people cannot live among eachother, not that they cannot look through eachothers eyes, but because they cannot accept others to love things they hate.
They cannot understand eachother, because every one is diffrent, but still a human being.

One we should hold close to our hearts and love them.

Sometimes people hurt others, because they don't know what love is, or why they are being loved.

Just be as the swan that moves over the lake, and let the world be the lake you cross.
It ain't easy, but love the moments you can, and hold them dear.
Memories will keep you aware of your path, as well as you are reminded of who you are. Place them always in the right perspective :-).

Love, and be blessed child,

Lady

Monday, December 19, 2005

Shop till you drop.....


Well, mum and I got out yesterday to find my a suit. So we went to t he stores and started to look around.

After looking for some time for a nice pair of pants and jackets, we came to the conclusion that I either needed to loose some more weight, so that I could fit a smaller pants, or had to gain weight to fit the one seize bigger pants (then the smaller pants).
Cause both didn't fit.

The small one, was just a little bit to smal, and the one seize bigger one, was just too much too big. So, we started to go mad, and looking for clothing for my mum.

That we did find, as well as nice jackets for me. Well, if I had found a nice pant to go along with it, I would have bought it, but hell, that we didn't.


So after shopping in one store for about an hour, we went out and were looking for an other store....
Finally we found another store. One with nice clothing, but NORMALLY (I mean just a few months, or even a year ago) I wouldn't fit those clothing, so, I was already ready for a BIG disapointment.

But anyway, I've learned that by not trying you'll allways be sure about the fact that you won't be able to wear it. So I tried to gain some currage and went looking for clothing I could fit....
And hell, as you probably can imagine, I had found just a few really NICE (and with really nice, I mean something I don't want to hang back in the store) trousers.

No, not a suit or pants, but trousers.
Just a few nice ones. So I tried them on....... Mum came with a few skurts, not the short one, but two large ones. And I tried them all on. It wasn't a big store and so where the places where you could try your clothing on. Nor were the clothing that big ;-).

But I tried them all, and I found out, that even in this store I could come back with great feeling ;-). Cause I FITTED the skurts as well as the trousers.....


Well, after going shopping, I am allways broke, but with a great feeling cause I've found some NICE clothing I trully like.
And that is a rare moment..... So, what is my moral about in this story?

Well, after changing the way I think, I am now working on my looks.
I am changing my looks and trying to be more and more who I am. And that part is looking like it is starting to be alive.

No longer looking like hell, but more and more like the girl I am.

No longer looking in a way that scares most people, but more and more in the way that people don't seem to scare.
And most of all, it is making me feel great.

And even the shoes seem to fit my feet ;-).

So, even the biggest change can be done, as long as YOU want it to be done, you can make it true!!!!
And that will be my moral, cause most of you think that even with the will to change things, you cannot make a change. But trust me, you can.


I am the living prove.....
With only the will and actions, I've made sure that I am haven't been depressed for even more then a year now, and that I am starting to look more and more like a woman.....
Like the woman I am......

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Carry Me (Like A Fire In Your Heart) by Chris de Burgh

Carry Me (Like A Fire In Your Heart) by Chris de Burgh


There is an answer, some day we will know,
And you will ask her, why she had to go,
We live and die, we laugh and we cry,
And you must take away the pain,
Before you can begin to live again;

So let it start, my friend, let it start,
Let the tears come rolling from your heart,
And when you need a light in the lonely nights,
Carry me like a fire in your heart,
Carre me like a fire in your heart;

There is a river rolling to the sea,
You will be with her for all eternity,
But we that remain need you here again,
So hold her in your memory
And begin to make the shadows disappear;

Yes let it start, my friend, let it start,
Let the love come rolling from your heart,
And when you need a light in the lonely nights,
Carry me like a fire in your heart,
Carry me like a fire in your heart;

So let it start, my friend, let it start,
Let the love come rolling from your heart,
And when you need a light in the lonely nights,
Carry me like a fire in your heart,
Carry me like a fire in your heart,
Carry me like a fire in your heart,
Carry me like a fire in your heart.

Loreena McKennitt - She moved through the fair

Loreena McKennitt - She moved through the fair

My love said to me
My mother won't mind
And me Father won't slight you
For your lack of kind
Then she stepped away from me
And this she did say
It will not be long, love
Till our wedding day.

She stepped away from me
And she moved through the Fair
And fondly I watched her
Move here and move there
She went her way homeward
With one star awake
As the swans in the evening
Move over the lake.

The people were saying
No two e'er were wed
But one has a sorrow
That never was said
And she smiled as she passed me
With her goods and her gear
And that was the last
That I saw of my dear.

I dreamed it last night
That my true love came in
So softly she entered
Her feet made no din
She came close beside me
And this she did say
It will not be long, love
Till our wedding day.

Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward

Forever Autumn

Justin Hayward

The summer sun is fading as the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near...
The winter winds will be much colder
Now you're not here.

I watch the birds fly south across the autumn sky
And one by one they disappear.
I wish that I was flying with them
Now you're not here

Like a song through the trees you came to love me
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away...

Through autumn's golden gown we used to kick our way
You always loved this time of year.
Those fallen leaves lie undisturbed now
'Cause you're not here

Like a song throught the trees you came to love me
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away...

A gentle rain falls softly on my weary eyes
As if to hide a lonely tear...
My life will be forever autumn
'Cause you're not here!

Wonderful Life - Black

Wonderful Life - Black
  Here I go out to sea again
The sunshine fills my hair
And dreams hang in the air
Gulls in the sky and in my blue eye
You know it feels unfair
There's magic everywhere

Look at me standing
Here on my own again
Up straight in the sunshine

No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life

The sun's in your eyes, the heat is in your hair
They seem to hate you
Because you're there
And I need a friend, oh I need a friend
To make me happy
Not stand here on my own

Look at me standing
Here on my own again
Up straight in the sunshine

No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life

And I need a friend, oh I need a friend
To make me happy
Not so alone

Look at me here
Here on my own again
Up straight in the sunshine

No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
A wonderful life, wonderful life

Wonderland by Simply Red

Wonderland by Simply Red

people, places
pursuing the chases
our moments were chosen
her senses explosion

take your pulse and read it well
she never said you'd only get one chance
pay your debt and bleed as well
you're living in the same circumstances

the end of an era
our future no clearer
my people no stronger
the blame i lay on her

wonderland, wonderland
it's beautiful
wonderland, wonderland
it's beautiful

take your pulse and read it well
she never said you'd only get one chance
pay your debt and bleed as well
you're living in the same circumstances

the end of an era
our future no clearer
my people no stronger
the blame i lay on her

Winter by Tori Amos

TORI AMOS LYRICS

"Winter"

Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove
I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see the myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change
My dear

Longer by Dan Fogelberg

Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heavens
I’ve been in love with you.

Stronger than any mountain cathedral
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primeval
I am in love with you.

I’ll bring fires in the winters
You’ll send showers in the springs
We’ll fly through the falls and summers
With love on our wings.

Through the years as the fire starts to mellow
Burning lines in the book of our lives
Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow
I’ll be in love with you.

Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heavens
I’ve been in love with you
I am in love with you..

Greensleeves by Loreena McKennitt

Loreena McKennitt - Greensleeves

Alas my love you do me wrong
To cast me off discourteously;
And I have loved you oh so long
Delighting in your company.

Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves my heart of gold
Greensleeves was my heart of joy
And who but my Lady Greensleeves.

I have been ready at your hand
To grant whatever thou would'st crave;
I have waged both life and land
Your love and goodwill for to have.

Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold
Greensleeves was my heart of joy
And who but my Lady Greensleeves.

Thy petticoat of sendle white
With gold embroidered gorgeously;
Thy petticoat of silk and white
And these I bought thee gladly.

Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves my heart of gold
Greensleeves was my heart of joy
And who but my Lady Greensleeves.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Ireland....

Hmmmmmm.......

I wonder what it would be like to be in Ireland.... For a living or even for a holiday....
I don't know why, but it has captured me somehow....
Even though I've never been there, I am in love with it....
Strange.....

Well, not really, is it?
Just imagine:
Green valleys with sheep.....
Hills........
Sea.........
Forest......

Well, do I need to say more about it?

Yeah, the IRA is not that active now, so that sounds good. But when it gets active, it ain't good.
But hell, I'll die when I am old, if things go right, so why shouldn't I start living?
I'll end up dead anyway :-).

And besides everything, it has a enourmous history.
One with the Celtic parts of the world.
Even a nice language, you CANNOT understand, so that ain't hard for me to learn...!

Open my eyes, cause nothing else matters....
Being who I am, will mean going at least once to Ireland and New Orleans...
But will I really do so?
That's the question....!

And time is the only answer you can give......

Ireland.................

Nothing else matters then who you are.....

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Lady : Riding on the wings of Light, Leaving all the sorrow far behind, To be who I am

Lady : Riding on the wings of Light, Leaving all the sorrow far behind, To be who I am

It ain't that hard to make your choices, just make them.
You don't have to think about them, you can just make them.
The consequences will make theirselves known before you need to worry about them.
So make your choices.

Choices aren't as hard as we make them. Choices are simply just a few options, and you can only do one of them.
Theire is no good or bad option, only what you think of them.
You can see them as bad or good, because you are learned to think like that.

If we hadn't been taught that killing was wrong, we probably weren't thinking that way.
If we hadn't been taught that earning money was good, we probably weren't that much into earning money.

Again, life is what you make of it. It is only a whole picture of all of your choices.
You can chose to kill some-one, or to earn money, or to buy yourselve a nice place to live in, but in the end, it will all be nothing more then an action based on a choice.

Enlighten yourselve might be nothing more then just a choice. But living and acting on your made choices makes some-one good or bad.

But don't forget the reasons why they've chosen a surtain path. Cause they are important as well.

Most Christians, these days, only chose to believe in God cause they have fear of the devil. But do they chose to believe in God, because of God?
NO
Will that make them the same as the ones who do believe in God, because of God?
NO

Keep that in mind....
Your choices are simple, but do them with the right ideas....

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Changing....

After changing my room time after time to make it more mine, I still couldn't feel like home in it.
So I looked around.
The white has changed into pink and purple colours. The celling had been lowered, and I had less furniture in my room, some green plants, and an extra window.
But still, I missed something in it.

I had colour in my room, that I wanted for some years now. I had placed my wanted furniture in a nice way in my room.
I had plants now, a little tree, and some other plants.
I had a window that I could open more then before.
I had some extra storage above my head.

I had new clothing, new music, but still something missed. Everything had changed, and if you didn't know any better, you would think that I was like this for a long time.
But to be honest, I've only been like this for, what shall we say? A year now. Or not even a year, because my changes took some time.

Before this, I was a little girl, who was only wearing black, and no other colour was allowed. Or so it seemed.
Hard and dark music to blow your head off.

But I kept looking and I couldn't find what was wrong in my room, so I went on with my work.
Untill X-mas came.
I found some fake flowers, and asked whether I could have them. And I could.
So I placed them inside my room, and it made the feeling of missing something go away.

How a flower, even when it is fake, can change things inside of a room....
How a flower, even when it is fake, can change a life...